Greece was never really on my list, because a) I’m not a beach person and b) I don’t even own a bikini and c) I’ve forgotten most of what I learned in Year 12/13 Classics (sorry Maws) d) I hate, hate, haaaaate tourist cities and e) I hate, haaaaaaaaate the heat.
And so it makes no sense that I went to Athens, other than I couldn’t find another flat in London, and Airbnbs in Athens were cheap asf, and I like cheese and olives.
My expectations were low, tbh. Everyone had said, “Oh we were in Athens for two days before Mykonos/Coruf/Santorini… it’s just a big dirty dusty city.”
I arrived in a heatwave: 26 freakin’ degrees. At 6pm! After four months of 1-6 degrees in London! And still wearing three layers of merino! I was almost molten lava. And needing a beer.
And – as y’all know – most of my arrivals in a new country are a complete freaking disaster, so I was sort of … apprehensive.
But it wasn’t a disaster. It was the easiest arrival ever. I found the train. I befriended an American dude who had come over with his son to see family, and was heading the same way as me, and the train actually arrived 😮 I chatted to a thoroguhly insane British woman who was visiting her deported Greek/Albanian bf in Piraeus (whom hadn’t paid for her taxi) and I arrived somewhere; a drunk youth directed me to the bus stop, where another (not drunk) youth was heading in the same direction, and – to cut a long story short – I opened the door to my Airbnb apartment at about 9pm without any meltdowns or haemorrhages, which is pretty awesome.
Athens is nice…. and odd. Not just because the central feature in my lounge was a pole, or that the street between my apartment and the CBD was jammed with strip clubs with names like Mousses Live Show! It’s a weird sort of placeThere were other things, like:
– There are orange trees everywhere, and the smell of orange blossoms in the hot air is amaaaazing – but you can’t eat the things. They’re sour asf so they fall off the trees en masse and splatter all over the footpaths and roads and even the pigeons don’t eat them.
– The footpaths are insane. Cracked, uneven, overgrown with weeds; mostly nettle.
– There are no rules for parking. If it fits, it sits.
– BREAD IS EVERYWHERE.
– CHEESE IS EVERYWHERE. The cheese aisle in the supermarket is longer than the vege aisle. There are hard cheese, soft cheeses, in-between cheeses, sheep, goat, cow, vegan (I didn’t investigate those) and they are all cheaper than London and New Zealand, which is really all that matters.
– Gyros is not pronounced how it looks.
– Gyros are not actually very good.
– Tourists in Athens are dickheads.
– Tourists in Athens will actually pay money for a silly pseudo-gold hair wreath and then put said hair wreath on their head and wear this thing around town and to dinner.
– Tourists in Athens will wear aforementioned headband at the Acropolis.
– Tourists in Athens will take a TRIPOD to the Acropolis and record a video of themselves yapping about the Acropolis, as if no one had ever heard of this structure before.
– The Acropolis is neat, sure. But you’re only allowed up there for the hour stated on your ticket (not one minute earlier) and… I don’t know, but between the selfies and the tripods and the tour groups with their flags and microphones… it’s hard to feel anything.
– Waiters will place a bottle of (artisan, mineral) water on your table without your request, and then fucking charge you for it whether you open /drink it or not.
– Greeks love cats, and cats are plentiful. Mangy, dusty, tired-looking, but everwhere, and very much cared for. The smell of catfood and piss steams off the streets.
– The Athenian coastline isn’t Corfu, but it’s pretty. You can run for miles. The water is blue and looks clear (but probably isn’t) and people swim in it, but I did not.
– This cost me $NZ20 and even though I wound up with concussion (my bag fell off my back, I bent down and smacked my head on the table), it was a fairly excellent dinner.
– Greek bakeries are home to either the grumpiest or the best people in the world. In one place in Kallithea (near my Airbnb), the lady behind the counter kept giving me an extra thing for free (“from us!”)
– Wine is cheap and sweet and red and served in a tin cup.
– OUZO IS AMAZING.
– Waiters will not be nice to you because they don’t have to be nice to you. They know you will sit down anyway, and you will drink their wine and eat their overpriced bread and cheese and shrimp and leave an amazing review because whatever you ate or drank was cheaper and better than anything in the US/UK/Australia/New Zealand.
– The people I met in Athens were the best part about Athens. It’s always hard to meet people in a place that you’re only passing through, because.. ehh, that’s a whole ‘nother post. But anyway, maybe because Athens is a passing-through kinda place, I met some excellent people through hiking and feta and saganaki and tzatziki and beer.
– I’m not a shopper (all of my clothes are rags and/or secondhand) but I love funky handcrafted jewelery, and Athens is THE place for funky handcrafted jewelery. I managed to restrict myself to two pairs of earrings and a necklace. And a Socrates t-shirt.
Would I go back? Well, maybe for a visist. But to live? No! I’d get too fat on all the bread and cheese and ouzo. Or die from bread and cheese and ouzo and dust.
I liked Athens, but it’s not a place to put down roots. Not for moi, anyway.
But if you want to go, I can recommend an excellent human to help you out (no I am not affiliated or married to said human).
a woman wanders 